Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles Schulz
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
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